Dear Ellen Page,
I want to hang out with you. I think that putting my dick in your mouth would also be a worthwhile venture, but I mostly just want to chill. You seem cool. You also seem like you wouldn’t remind me of how uncool I am all the time. Like if we were grabbing some lattes and someone asked you for your autograph, you’d be really nice to them, sign something, and then continue, “Whatever. Sorry about that. What were you saying The Goose? Oh yeah, I like Broken Social Scene too. They’re pretty good.” Then we’d talk about Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, which I assume you saw since you know Michael Cera. Man, that’s a great movie, but you already know that. I bet you like the part where the vegan police show up. It’s pretty funny. Also, I have some comic books (graphic novels, really) that I want to lend you so you can read them and confirm that they’re good, even from a woman’s point of view.
And yeah, I could totally put my dick in your mouth, if you’re into it. I’d put my dick in your mouth in a way that says, “Oh hey, just stopping in for a second. Nothing crazy or messy. Just a reminder that I love you. I’ll be back soon. Ok. Bye.” I have no idea what kind of guys you’re into, but in a dream world, I would dress just like Arthur from Inception (I like vests and JGL) and be just as cute as Bleeker from Juno (I can play guitar a bit).
So yeah, let me know if you want to hang out and have me put my dick in your mouth for a little bit. I have a decent DVD collection and I can stream movies from Amazon for free, so that’s cool. My buddy’s band has a show in NYC in two weeks so if you’re around then - that would be fun, you might like them.
Touch my dick to your cheek,